By Valentina Henriquez
I am a young minority male at John Jay college. I am very inexperienced with sex and sexual encounters. My question to you is the following:
Do females think about sex as often or as frequent as males?
The reason I ask, is because I am currently dating my first girlfriend, a young woman, who is very spontaneous and tries to initiate sex in public and private places without warning. I am quite shy and often turn her down. Is this common female sexual behavior or is it just this one particular young woman? Thank you.
A study by Richard Sine (“Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?,” on WebMD.com) shows that “adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day,” compared to “about one-quarter of women.”
At the same time, women can think about sex as frequently as men. In fact, they may think about it more since they are multi-orgasmic. People think that women can’t or shouldn’t think about sex so often but they have needs and desires as much as men.
Now, when your dealing with a spontaneous woman, expect for her to want to be sexual without warning. She could just enjoy the excitement of doing things out of the blue.
If you don’t want to engage in sex publicly you can do things that won’t make her feel like you’re turning her down completely. You can tease her by kissing her on her neck and grasping her tightly. This would also make her feel less like you’re turning her away.
It is common for things to get heated to the point where someone can’t control their urges but you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, so speak to your partner if you feel awkward.
You don’t have to have sex in public but I do advise you to speak to her and sort out a level where you both feel comfortable. She might be unaware that you are shy, and may think you like it as well. After speaking to her she’ll be able to understand you and help you leave your comfort zone allowing you to have new experiences with her.
Remember it’s important to communicate and be comfortable in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex. Also, don’t be afraid to do your research about sex so that you’re less shy about the topic.